I have bounced the idea of starting a blog back and forth in my head since my daughter was born 9 months ago. I was even so bold as to create a site and start a post a few months ago, but I quickly tucked my tail between my legs and ran far away from that whole idea.
Here's the thing: I love writing. Yet I am terrified of embarking on this journey. But why? I guess the logical reason would be a fear of failure. But how can I fail at a hobby? Well, I am what you might call a perfectionist in almost all areas of my life. While I am sane enough to know I am not, nor will I ever be, perfect, that doesn't change the fact that I am neurotic enough to try to be. So I suppose that is what I am afraid of: not reaching what I deem to be perfect through my words on this site. So how will I combat that notion?
I am currently sitting in my kitchen, watching my daughter roll around in her crib via the video baby monitor as she wakes from a nap, and listening to Lord of the Rings play in the background. It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day, so I did not have to work today, aside from basketball practice this morning. I'm relaxed and obviously have some spare time to be writing, yet there is a tiny human in the other room who is still 90% dependent upon me. But I'm not freaking out that she is technically verbalizing that she is ready for me to get her; I'm not terrified that leaving her in there will cause some sort of emotional damage. I'm honestly content letting her be while I crank out this post, and I won't think twice about it.
Now, rewind to this past summer, when I was at home with her every day (Summer break is the best), and you would not see this calm scene I have just laid before you. I would be tip-toeing around the house making sure nothing noisy was on and being sure to say a little prayer every 5 minutes that she wasn't crying or screaming. My laptop would be tucked far away because let's be honest, I was not going to have time to use that thing when my 3-month old was almost constantly crying, feeding, or pooping.
Where I am going with this is that given time (6 months, roughly) I have learned how to see past the imperfections of my parenting and relax and relish in the moments that are perfect just the way they are. Could I go get her at her first whimpers for attention? Of course; perfect Mom totally would. But I know that's not me, and I have become okay with that. So if I can rationalize that my parenting is a work-in-progress yet still feel proud of myself as a mom, why can't I write a silly blog post every now and then?
I used this quote in my classroom the other day with my students in mind, but I am seeing how much it translates to my own life right now:
Interesting point, don't you think?
The key is time. I have to give this a fair shake before I throw in the towel. So I will persevere, even when I am doubting myself or feeling like I'm putting too much of myself out there. I will enjoy this adventure and see where it takes me. And I hope you stay along for the ride. :)